A ghost of a smile

English courses return to my life this term. It's business english listening and speaking. I'm not afraid of speaking english, but I never like oral english course. Maybe you'll ask me why. Let me tell you the reason here. 

In the english speaking class, you have to advance your opinion and make a simple or detailed presentation to the whole class. But before making a presentation, at least you should know what you want to say indeed. Lots of times, I didn't raise my hand and answer teacher's questions just because I don't know what to say. Or I don't consider my answer is the proper or sensible one. So I felt reluctant to stand out. When I listen to answers full of wisdom and foresight from my classmates, I really admire them a lot. So, language is just a tool. It is necessary when you want to communicate with someone who speak it. But what is more important is that you know what to say, not how to say. 

The way to solve my problem maybe learning more about this world, or change my style and my wish: to be perfect. I know it is not healthy to have the habit of always chasing perfect and being afraid of failure, which easily make a person proud or self-contemptuous, but it's hard to change someone's character. 

There's still a long long long way to go. And I'm trying to be better. I'm making some change. And one year later, there'll be a new me. I believe.