A ghost of a smile

A famous saying from the film "Love Story" suddenly occured to me, that "love means never having to say you're sorry." 

Maybe I'm not as perfect as you imagined, and I do have lots of shortcomings, but that doesn't mean that I don't care about you.  If I don't care about you, I wouldn't explain all those things to you.  

We both like the song "Sorry seems to be the hardest word".  For me at present, maybe it's not hard to say, but I feel reluctant to say it.  In the past, I never said this word to my dearest people.  In my mind, it's a word which will widen the distance between people's hearts and soul.  So I'll only keep it in my heart deeply and try to do the right thing in the coming days to repair the relationship I greatly cherish.  

But in order to cheer you up, I said that to you the day before yesterday.  That doesn't mean I don't cherish you, on the opposite, for you, I did things in the way you like.  It hurts.  Maybe it's unreasonable for you to understad why I don't like saying sorry, just like I can't understand why you easily got angry at me on those tiny things.  I'm trying, I'm learning.  But I'm still me, I can't totally change myself in such a short period of time.  Does my learning, trying and repairing mean nothing to you? Isn't the actual change more meaningful to you than a single word?   

I'm really confused now.  It seems that I'm such an idiot in your mind.  It seems I never satisfied you.  It seems I'm always the wrong person.  That hurts, greatly.